Remember that great story “Twas the Night Before Christmas” by Clement C Moore? The story starts with “Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.”
Well, tonight is the night before Christmas Eve – and all through the house, not a creature is stirring EXCEPT for me!!!
Why am I still awake? My gifts have all been shipped, most of the presents that I wrapped for others have been delivered, and I have been able to live in contentment the last couple of days.
However, this year, Christmas has been a mix of emotions.
The difficult emotions I am facing are:
· I miss my family – This year, I have been thinking of my parents more and how special they made Christmas. I live in my grandparent’s home, and when they were alive, we spent Christmas day here. Even though it has been remodeled since they have passed, it holds a multitude of memories for me.
· Those of you who have been reading my blog for the past few years may remember that I lost my son many years ago on December 30th in an adoption failure issue. My mind jumps from the joys of motherhood to the pain of knowing the birth mother was coming to take him back. That Christmas, I knew we only had 5 days left with him.
· I am not able to go to Oklahoma this year. I miss my best friend and her family. They are my family now. Kathy’s grandchildren are the light of my world. I have known Dylan, Kyra, and Vance since they were babies. They call me Aunt Christy. Dylan and Kyra are now adults, and Vance is 15. I am so proud of them and will miss them this Christmas.
The more positive emotions I am feeling are:
· The joy of the season – The reason for the season in the Birth of Jesus Christ.
· I have enjoyed the Christmas services I attended this month, the opportunity to hear a Community Choir sing The Messiah, and the contentment of spending time with friends during this season.
· Enjoying all my Christmas decorations.
· I enjoy shopping, but that has even been met with mixed emotions – time was running out, and I ship to four different states, so this year, I let Amazon ship everything. As easy as that was, I felt somewhat guilty because I like to go to brick-and-mortar stores to keep people employed.
· I love watching Christmas movies. This year, I stayed away from Hallmark. Some of the movies I streamed were from Hallmark, and I did not enjoy them as much as others.
· It warmed my heart to give gifts and watch people’s reactions when they opened them (I also enjoyed getting gifts!)
· I will spend Christmas with a good friend and her family, and I look forward to Christmas day!!
All that being said – I can’t sleep tonight. I took Trazodone, which the doctor prescribed for sleep, and I am not sleepy at all. I think a part of it is that I watched three Christmas movies this afternoon and fell asleep during all of them. Thank goodness for the rewind capability of streaming a movie!!
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I often miss my parents more on Christmas Eve. As I wrote in my last blog, that is when my nuclear family celebrated Christmas. Some years, I find myself lonely. This year, I will spend some time with a friend who is also lonely on Christmas Eve and then take her to a Christmas Eve service. I feel tomorrow will be a good day.
I am getting to the end of this blog and still am not tired! I will go back and try to sleep soon!!
Thanks for letting me rant.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
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